S01 E13 – Revolution!

Joey's hanging out in the hallway, just chillin'. He says hi to Snake and reminds him about a band rehearsal tomorrow. So, the guys are still in that terrible band from last week. And he says hi to Spike, to remind us that she still exists and this show is still edgy as fuck. Just then, Steph walks by with the twins, and in a desperate attempt to impress her, Joey does that thing where you run and then fall onto your knees and slide across the floor really fast. Unfortunately he crashes into her and makes her drop all her stuff, so while he's babbling about being "Joey L. Jeremiah, L for Lover", she's irately picking books up off the floor. She tells him to go jump in a lake, and he semi-seriously asks, "Which one?", at which point he crosses a line and is suddenly pitiable rather than annoying.
Desperate to get rid of his last remnants of dignity, Joey (still kneeling on the floor) insists, "I'm a great guy once you get to know me! And I'm your slave! Whatever you want, I will do!" Steph says she wants him to leave her alone, and walks off. "So, see you later?" he calls after her. "Maybe we could go out some time?" I hate the Degrassi writers for temporarily making me feel sorry for him.

"Can you imagine going out with him?" Steph asks the twins. "I thought you liked Joey," says… one of them, I'm not sure which, because they're both dressed identically frumpy today. "He's funny and all," says Steph, "but not the kind of guy I'd go out with." And we go straight into the opening credits. So… Joey fancies Steph, and has no self-respect, and Steph has high, high standards. Got it.

Next day, I guess? Everyone's walking into school, and they're all bundled up in coats and scarves. Erika is freaking out about an upcoming English exam that Mr Raditch is giving. "Just study!" says Heather. "I'm not studying," snaps Steph, sensible as always. "It'll probably be on something like Shakespeare," says Erika, in a voice that suggests she's aiming for comic exaggeration, but you know what? It's an eighth-grade English exam, and we've actually seen them studying "Hamlet". I'd bet it's pretty reasonable to expect that Shakespeare will, in fact, be on the paper. Just sayin'.

So, Steph, she of the high standards, has finally sighted a man good enough for her. He is, of course, Wheels, whose mullet is looking especially mullety today, who plays keyboard in the worst teen band in Canada, and who is wearing a navy reindeer sweater. She fixes him with that praying-mantis mating stare of hers. Erika tells her to "put [your] eyes back in their sockets," and Steph claims, "I can't help it if I'm in love." Bad news, guys: the concept of love has now been irreparably defiled.

Meanwhile, on some staircase somewhere, Yick and Arthur and Melanie and Kathleen are studying. Arthur asks where the Zambezi river is. "Easy, it's in Africa!" says Yick. "The whole test is about Africa," says Kathleen. Heh. I think this episode is the only time we see Kathleen interact with Arthur and Yick, which is sort of a pity, because their general stupid behaviour would probably be a lot more entertaining if she was around to bitch at them.

Just then, Steph and the twins come down the stairs, and Steph stands there and ahems until the kids move out of their way. Arthur tries to say hello, but is ignored, for the thousandth time. The twins grin at her evil behaviour. Even Heather.

"She's not exactly the friendliest sister in the world," says Arthur unnecessarily. Seriously: everyone just saw him getting brutally snubbed, and the dignified thing to do would be not to mention the incident. Kathleen watches Steph and the twins disappear into the Bathroom of Skanky Transformations, and complains, "We have got the worst-dressed school president in the whole country!" I don't know, it is the '80s. I'm sure there's some stiff competition.

Arthur listens meekly as the others tear his sister to shreds. Kathleen complains that ever since former sports rep Jason Cox left, bless his sexist heart, Steph hasn't bothered to find a replacement. Melanie suggests that Yick (who's conveniently messing around with a basketball, in case we'd forgotten that aspect of his character) would be a good sports rep. Kathleen agrees, in possibly the only recorded instance of her being nice and encouraging to a fellow human being.

In the bathroom, Steph is mid-transformation, wearing a pink bustier with the communal diamante belt and a prairie-style red skirt. (By the way, there is snow on the ground. It is not bustier weather. If such a thing exists.) "Do you think I should ask Wheels on another date?" she asks the twins. "I know our other ones have been disasters, but…" she shrugs, as if to say, "I basically don't know when to quit". Which would make her a pretty good match for Joey, in a way.

"What if he said no?" Steph worries. "I'd die of embarrassment." "How could anyone say no to Stephanie Kaye, school president?" asks Erika. As a former head of my school's student council, let me say this: contrary to popular belief, being active in school politics does not actually get you a lot of action. Just then, Steph takes off her long skirt, revealing a pair of tight black leggings. "School bombshell!" says Heather. There's something so very wrong about that phrase.

By the way, Erika is standing under an ornate Art Nouveau poster that reads "Penguin Dreams". Explanations on a postcard, please.

On the way to Mr Raditch's class, Joey and Snake are still arguing about band names. Joey wants to call the group Joey and the Jet Set. Yawn. "We already got a name!" Wheels insists. "The Zit Remedy?" Joey snaps. "You call that a name?" "We like it," says Wheels." Snake says that Joey's "other idea" is stupid, and Joey insists that there are tons of rock bands and they need to stand out. Their terrible music is pretty unique; doesn't that count for anything? "There's no way I'm eating live goldfish on stage," says Snake. As the guys sit down at their desks, Joey tells him to think of it as sushi, and insists that he'd do it himself only he has a convenient allergy to fish. This show is a lot better at unintentional hilarity.

Just then, Steph and the twins come in, and Steph sidles over to Wheels, teeth at the ready. She asks him to go to a movie that weekend. Without even considering his answer, Wheels says no, because he has to study. "Study?" she repeats in disgust. "You're not serious." Yeah, I mean, who in their right mind would pass up the chance to go on yet another bad date with Stephanie Kaye? He tells her that his last report card was bad, and he needs to do well in the exams or his parents will kill him (Wheels's academic ineptitude, by the way, will be an ongoing dull filler plot throughout the series). Steph just gives him a death glare as icy as a Canadian winter, and sweeps off to… her own desk, which unfortunately is right next to Wheels's, so it's not much of a dramatic exit. Also, everyone else totally heard this conversation: the twins are horrified, and Spike is trying very hard not to laugh. Spike never gets any funny lines, but I have to give her props for her readiness to laugh at other people's failures.

In comes Mr Raditch. He announces that he has their English exam ready, and with a Bond-villain-grade evil laugh, tells them it's "a real doozy". Proving yet again that he learned nothing from that episode about not picking on people, he specifically says that he hopes Joey's been studying, because he doesn't want him in his class next year. Wheels turns around to smile at Joey, but accidentally catches Steph's eye, and she looks like she's pondering how best to disembowel him: should she use a rusty hook, or her teeth? Hell hath no fury like a school president scorned.

Meanwhile, Ms Avery's preparing her class for their exam too. Apparently she's a geography teacher now? And still a liberal. They're being tested on "the fascinating continent of Africa", and she gives them that insincere teacher-spiel about how they don't need to be afraid of the exam, because she just wants to check on their progress. These kids are in for a horrible shock when they get to Mr Raditch's class next year.

After the bell goes, Susie comes over to Yick and tells him that she thinks he'd make a great sports rep. Melanie and Kathleen come over too, and continue to go on about how he'd be the greatest sports rep in the history of mankind, and Kathleen mentions the plot-relevant fact that sports reps always come from Grade 7. Yick meebles that he's not too good at politics, but Susie tells him, "It's not politics – it's fun! I should know, I'm vice-president." Yeah, I'm sure that's a thrill-fest. While some upbeat guitar music strikes up in the background, everyone mills around and tells him it's "good to get involved with school life", etc., and he should go tell Stephanie he wants the position.

Steph is just leaving Mr Raditch's classroom, ranting to the twins about how she's never been so embarrassed in her life. Well, she possibly shouldn't have asked Wheels out in front of the whole class. The twins bicker over whether his rejection is the absolute worst thing EVAR, or just the second-worst. Stephanie glares at Wheels, who's innocently bantering with Snake and Joey, and announces, "I'm going to make him pay for this. I don't know how, but I will." And that was the last time anyone saw Wheels alive.

Erika stares at Wheels for a minute, then says, "I bet if you were really nice to someone, Wheels would be jealous." Steph asks who she should be nice to, and Erika ponders it before naming the only other guy Steph's talked to all episode: Joey. "But how nice would I have to be to him? I wouldn't have to go out with him or anything, would I?" Steph asks. "I don't know, maybe!" says Erika unhelpfully. Heather flails ethically in the background and is completely ignored.

Just then, Yick appears behind them. He announces that they don't have a sports rep and he wants the job. Steph stares at him, looking with particular disgust at his feet for some reason, and tells him that she's busy and they'll have to talk about it next term. Yick shuffles off, and Steph rolls her eyes, confused and mildly offended by the existence of a male who wants to talk to her about something other than her own hotness.

As Yick admits to the indignant Grade Sevens that he got nowhere, Steph looks back at him, then whispers, "I have an idea."

In the auditorium, the Zit Remedy guys are practising. This is the first time we get to hear their first and only song, "Everybody Wants Something". Not only is this their only song, but it only has two lines: "Everybody wants something, they'll never give up. Everybody wants something, they'll take ya mon-ey, and never give up." The guys have improved slightly since the random instrument-punching of last episode, but they're still hitting a lot of wrong notes. Once they finish, they congratulate themselves on how excellently they played.

Just then, Steph pervs in, flirting grin turned up to the max, and immediately puts her arm around Joey (with a perfunctory sarcastic hello to Wheels). Joey looks utterly terrified. "I never see enough of you," she purrs, while fiddling with his jacket buttons. "How'd you like to be … sports rep on the student council?" Wow, she really knows how to talk dirty.

Snake butts in and points out that Joey isn't on any teams, and actually hates sports. Joey's not too pleased with this attempted cockblocking, and says that he watches sports on TV. Wheels asks if there's supposed to be an election or something, but Steph tells him in her most withering voice, "I'm school president. I can do what I want." Wow, she's gone mad with power. From being school president. That's just sad.

Wheels shakes his head in a "what did I ever see in this psycho?" sort of way, but Steph ignores him, as she's back to leching on Joey: apparently him being sports rep means they're going to have to "work veeery closely together". Joey understands this to mean that there will be hot presidential sex in his future, and is 100% in favour of this development.

Steph goes back out into the hallway, cheered on by Erika, who's always kind of a ditz but not usually this evil. Joey (who has suddenly developed a terrible bumfluff moustache) is totally psyched at having just been molested by Steph, and announces, "Joey Jeremiah never gives up – and this is what happens!". Then he plays a little flourish on the keyboard. Wheels looks pretty pissed off, but insists he's cool with the whole thing, and the guys go back to rehearsing. I think they're playing worse again.

Next day, and someone has hung a big black-and-white poster of a pair of sexy legs in one of the upstairs windows. What the hell?

Anyway, Joey's in the bathroom, gelling his eyebrows with saliva and loudly telling himself, "You devil. How can you stand to be so good looking?" Yick walks by, and looks at Joey pretty much the way you'd usually look at someone in this situation. As Yick unzips and starts peeing, with realistic splashy sound effects (WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW IS FUCKED UP), Joey asks him, "Am I beautiful or am I beautiful?" Yick looks acutely uncomfortable and mutters that he doesn't like multiple choice. Also, that's a pretty weird thing to ask a near-stranger while they're urinating.

"If you were smart, you'd be nice to me!" says Joey. "You're talking to Degrassi Junior High's new sports rep!" Yick is pretty angry at this, and points out that Joey isn't on any teams, but Joey smarms that he's "a very close personal friend of Stephanie Kaye", and struts off. As the upbeat guitar music strikes up again, Yick glowers angrily (although he's thankfully not too angry to wash his hands) and contemplates revenge.

Steph and the twins are in Mr Raditch's classroom. Wheels and Snake come in, and Wheels casually ignores Steph and just keeps on talking to Wheels. Steph is enraged to see him getting on with his life, and gives him evils, and he is completely oblivious. By the way, Snake and Wheels are both wearing yellow sweatshirts on which they've written "The Zit Remedy !" in fabric paint. Joey's sweatshirt is neon pink, and says "alias Joey and the Jet Set" on the back. Because Joey is a tool. Anyway, Joey comes in, and Steph instantly drapes herself around him. He asks her if she wants to go out on Saturday, and she acts delighted. Wheels listens to the whole thing, shaking his head in disbelief, or jealousy, or something.

Meanwhile, Yick rushes into Ms Avery's classroom, and starts yelling at Arthur about how Steph made Joey sports rep. "Sports rep's a Grade Seven position!" says Melanie. "Joey's in Grade Eight." "The student council is supposed to be balanced!" Kathleen whines. "There's supposed to be a vote," says Caitlin, who has unwisely curled her hair this week. "This goes totally against the democratic system," says Alex sternly.

And for some reason, everyone's saying all this to Arthur. "Maybe she's got a reason for doing this?" he suggests feebly. "Whose side are you on!" shouts Yick, who's suddenly gone from being nervous at the idea of being sports rep to feeling that this position is his God-given right, and no skank in a boob tube is going to take it away from him. The whole thing instantly turns into a screaming match, until Ms Avery comes in and tells them all to be quiet and start studying. Although surely, if the exam is just a non-threatening checkup on their progress, there's no real need to study after all?

Anyway, the Grade Sevens are angry, and we next see a montage of them engaging in classic '80s-style political activism. That's right, they're putting up ornate handmade posters about how Stephanie is a terrible president. Lots and lots and lots of posters. They're also engaging in expository dialogue about how Steph only got to be president by trading votes for sexual favours, and was drunk at the big dance, and Nancy even complains about Steph not following through on her promise to introduce rock music on the PA. Ah, unfulfillable campaign promises. Welcome to politics, Nancy. And Rick is running a petition to have Stephanie impeached, and we all know how good Rick is at getting people to sign petitions.

Arthur, in a desperate attempt to smooth things over, has caught up with Steph outside the girls' bathroom, and is pointing out that the new student council is statistically unrepresentative, but she says (in an inappropriately sexy voice, ew) that seventh graders don't count, and she can handle this situation on her own. Because she's proved so adept at handling awkward situations in the past.

They're really having fun with montages in this episode. Backed by the sweet strains of "Everybody Wants Something", we now see, in quick succession: Steph dolling herself up, Steph hitting on Joey to the disgust of Wheels, and the Grade Sevens putting up yet more posters while chanting, "Out of the way with Stephanie Kaye!" This is sure to end well.

In the auditorium, the guys have just finished rehearsing. Joey thinks it was "excellent" as always, but Snake is labouring under the delusion that they might improve if they practise some more. Wheels announces that he has to go and study, Joey says the exam doesn't matter, and Wheels says he wants to pass. Get used to this scene: it will play out repeatedly throughout the series.

Snake tells Wheels to relax, and Wheels shouts very convincingly that he is relaxed. "Look, I understand how you feel, but we shouldn't stop being friends just because your girl chose me over you," Joey assholes. "A beautiful chick like Stephanie – I'd be real upset too. Then again, it wouldn't happen to me." Remind me  again why either of the other guys is friends with this tool? Wheels snaps, "Joey, you're a real jerk, you know that?" and storms out, pausing in the doorway to make some sort of Canadian Mafia fist gesture at Joey.

"What'd I say?" Joey bleats. Snake doesn't dignify this with an answer.

After the break, it's the next morning. Close-up on Mr Raditch walking in with his briefcase. For some reason, he's wearing sunglasses in the dead of winter. He chirpily greets various randomers, telling them it's a beautiful day for an exam, and asks Joey if he's "sweating yet" before breaking into a high-pitched giggle. Clearly this man became a teacher because he enjoys inflicting psychological torture on people decades younger than him. Suppose it's as good a reason as any.

In the hallways, Kathleen, Yick, Melanie, Alex, and an extra are planning to confront Stephanie after class. "She won't be expecting us!" Kathleen announces. Although really, the ten thousand handmade posters and very public anti-Stephanie petition might have given her some sort of an inkling, if she wasn't too self-absorbed to notice them.

In the library, Wheels is idly rotating a bookshelf. I mean, it's a rotating bookshelf; he's not being randomly destructive. I'm very disappointed to report that none of the titles are particularly amusing this time, although some of them are in French, so I suppose the show hadn't yet started pretending to take place in the US.

Heather and Erika are sitting at a nearby table, talking loudly. "It's not faaaaair!" Heather complains. "Steph doesn't even like Joey!" (Wheels starts listening in from behind the bookshelf.) "Sure she does… sort of," says Erika weakly. In case any hidden listeners aren't entirely up to speed on the situation, Heather helpfully reminds Erika, "But not in the way he thinks she likes him. She's only using him to get back at Wheels for not going out on the date." "All's fair in love and war!" answers Erika, whose idea this whole thing was, so I suppose she would tend to defend it.

Anyway, Erika decides that since Heather has a vague shred of concern for Joey's feelings, she must totally have the hots for him, and the conversation degenerates into bickering. The elusive Ms Baxter tells them to be quiet, and Wheels sneaks out while they're distracted. He looks solemn, or maybe he's just sleepy.

Meanwhile, in the classroom, Mr Raditch is digging frantically through his desk drawers. Eventually, he realises that everyone is starting to stare at him, and he gives them all the frowning of a lifetime, then gets up and walks to the door with a strained grin, then breaks into a run, actually skating along the hall floor at one point, and nearly elbowing Wheels in the face. Wheels shakes his head at Raditch in disgust, apparently having lost the last remnants of his faith in humanity.

Once he gets to the classroom, Wheels gets straight to business. He sits down in front of Joey and announces, "Stephanie's using you. She's just pretending to like you so that I'll get jealous." Joey calls him pathetic, and Wheels said he heard Heather and Erika talking about it. "Really nice – trying to mess me up just before an exam. Thanks a lot, Wheels. Some friend you are," snaps Joey. Yeah, when Joey doesn't make it to Harvard, it's going to be all Wheels's fault.

Just then, Steph comes in, and says hi to Joey in her best sexy voice. Joey looks up at her distrustfully.

Hey, it's Lucy! Remember Lucy? She walks into the school office just in time to see Mr Raditch digging through a filing cabinet and arguing with Doris the School Secretary. "Of course I have a copy, but it's at home and there's no time to get it!" he shouts. So, in case you hadn't figured it out already, Raditch lost the exam paper. Hyuk hyuk.

Lucy asks Doris for a copy of her attendance records to give to her social worker. Doris goes back to the filing cabinet and shoos Mr Raditch out of the way, before getting Lucy's attendance file out of the same drawer where he was looking for the exam paper. So… they apparently keep all the school's paperwork in one drawer.

Lucy and Doris chit-chat about Lucy's upcoming court date. "I don't know how you could get yourself in such a mess," Doris says. Lucy doesn't bother explaining that it was the inevitable consequence of her mother having a high-powered job. In the background, Raditch flings a pile of paper on the floor, then runs out of the room. "Mr Raditch is acting weirder than usual," Lucy remarks, and Doris explains for the benefit of the slowest audience members that he did, in fact, lose the exam paper. Does this mean he can no longer mock Yick for being disorganised?

Ms Avery, dressed in head-to-toe pink for some reason, is handing out exam papers to the Grade Sevens. While she rambles soothingly about exam technique, Yick asks Arthur if he's going with them to gang up on Stephanie. "I guess so," says Arthur, who has obviously figured out which side he's on, and oddly enough he's not siding with the sister who lectures him on his own insignificance and won't speak to him in public.

Back in Mr Raditch's classroom, the kids are doing what fictional schoolkids always do when left unattended: throwing paper planes at each other and shouting "Wooooo!" Lucy tells Voula about Raditch losing the exam, and I'm sorry to tell you that this is the last time we'll ever see Voula: the actress who played her, Niki Kemeny, was advised by her agent to leave the show and aim for better things. And she never acted again. (Yes, seriously.) If it's any comfort, she's gone out in classic Voula style: today's peasant blouse is the frilliest one yet.

Joey's at the back of the class, getting some hasty last-minute coaching from Snake. Wheels keeps turning around and telling him to ask the twins if what he says is true. Eventually, Joey just gets up and goes over to the girls while Snake is in the middle of explaining something, but before he can ask them, Mr Raditch comes back in, clutching the exam paper, and tells him in a weirdly squeaky voice to sit down.

Raditch is hilariously dishevelled, by the way: he's taken his glasses off, his hair is a mess, his tie has been yanked loose, his scarf is hanging over one shoulder, and his shirt is untucked at the front. I would love to know what actually happened to him and who he had to beat up to get the exam paper back. He pants that he was "delayed" and asks a smirking Spike to hand out writing paper, then writes the exam questions up on the board. The camera pans slowly over the faces of the kids, while a distant choir eerily sings the school song. Everybody seems to be doing ok except for Joey, who looks utterly, utterly baffled.

Over at Ms Avery's class, the bell goes, and everyone gets up to leave. Once they're out the door, they march down towards the Bathroom of Skanky Transformations, again chanting "Out of the way with Stephanie Kaye!" Wow, her name really lends itself to catchy political slogans.

Mr Raditch (who for some reason is reading a business magazine) announces that time's up. People start to get up and leave. Steph puts her hand on Joey's neck on the way out, and giggles, "See you later, Sports Rep." He just looks disturbed. Wheels then stops by yet again to tell Joey to talk to the twins. Eventually, Joey runs up to them just before they leave the room, and asks them, "Is Stephanie using me to get Wheels jealous?" There's a long, uncomfortable pause, and Erika says no just as Heather says yes. "Sorry," Heather mumbles.

The mob is still marching down to the bathroom, and they all seem to be having fun chanting, even though they're really having trouble speaking in unison. Arthur brings up the rear, looking acutely uncomfortable.

Wheels and Snake are outside the classroom, awkwardly improvising a conversation about the exam, when Joey comes over. "Hey Wheels, you were right. So, wanna come practice?" So… I guess they're all friends again? That was easy. All Wheels had to do was destroy Joey's self-esteem!

Stephanie finally arrives at the bathroom (with Voula in tow for some reason) to find the Grade Sevens waiting for her, still chanting. "What are they saying?" asks Voula, who apparently didn't notice any of the impeachment posters either. Steph walks up to Susie and icily asks, "Yes?" "As vice-president, I formally protest the appointment of Joey Jeremiah as sports rep," says Susie, who really knows how to suck the fun out of an angry protest. Steph just smirks and answers, "Joey's qualified," in a voice that implies his qualifications are to be found in his pants.

Everyone erupts at this, and Steph looks a bit terrified. Just then, she spots Joey and calls him over: "Tell them what a great sports rep you are." Joey calls for silence, then announces that he can't be sports rep because it's a Grade Seven position. Stephanie looks at him in a way that would make most people run away screaming, but all he says is "You don't have to be nice to me any more, OK, Steph?" As the Grade Sevens cheer wildly, Joey walks off with a very smug-looking Wheels.

As sad music builds (specifically a slow, minor-key version of "Everybody Wants Something"), Steph flounces into the bathroom. The bathroom, by the way, is festooned with a caricature of a busty hooker-type, with the caption "Is this a school president?", so this may not have been the best place to go for solace. As she puts on her fugly cover-up clothes for going home in, she tells the mirror that she just wanted everybody to like her. Really? She actually thought any of her previous behaviour would make her popular? …Stephanie does not understand human interaction at all.

This is helpfully illustrated with a string of Episode 1 flashbacks, in a clumsy attempt to pad out an episode that's basically over but has a couple more minutes left to run. We see Steph being mean to Arthur, her scantily-clad election speech about how "being president is a responsibility not to be taken lightly" (I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE), her kissing all the boys in exchange for votes, Voula looking disgusted at this, Steph thanking Joey instead of Voula, and finally Voula telling Steph, "You're on your own, Miss President, you and your new image… image… image…" Yes, it actually repeats like that, and it's just as awesome/terrible as you might expect.

Oh, present-day Stephanie is crying in front of the mirror at this point. She tries to wipe her eyes with toilet tissue, which is so cheap that it makes deafening crunchy noises. Nice. There is more sad music, because it's so tragic when people's assholish behaviour comes back to haunt them.

Not that anyone cares, but I think we're meant to assume that Yick is automatically sports rep now (so much for the democratic system). Also, the Grade Sevens were so distracted by this that they forgot to actually have Steph impeached; she's still president next season.

A little later, the Grade Sevens are standing around victoriously. Arthur, by the way, is wearing a tattered mustard-coloured scarf that L.D. was wearing at the start of the episode, and which ends up on one of the twins in a later episode. Damn wardrobe department. Anyway, Steph goes by and calls out to him, asking if he wants to walk home together. He looks surprised, then goes over to her.

Arthur makes a horrible attempt at starting a conversation. "You know something? Junior high is OK. I really liked my first term. What about you?" Oh, well, considering she drove away her best friend, vomited from too much Bailey's at the school dance, got in trouble for planning to have sex with Wheels, nearly got assaulted by a perverted TV star, and just minutes ago got hounded by an angry mob, I'd say she had a ball. "I made a lot of mistakes," she understates.

She stares back at the school in silence, which gives us a minute to ponder why her home clothes all have to be three sizes too big for her. "You know what?" she announces. "Next term is gonna be completely different. I'm gonna be me." "That's great!" croaks Arthur, presumably well aware that Steph being Steph is what got them all into this mess.

"I'm even gonna try to be nicer to you!" she tells him. He asks if he can talk to her at school, and she says yes, and if they can sometimes watch the TV shows he wants to watch, and she says yes, and if he can borrow her stereo, at which she jokingly tells him not to push his luck. Oh, Steph! We all know she'll be back to crushing his spirit within a week.

And that brings us to the end of Season 1. I think you'll all agree that we've learned a lot so far, but remember: there's lots more to learn in Season 2. Marvel at how the girls love a guy with a tragic past! Swoon over the ongoing Melanie/Yick love story! Gasp at the thrilling lessons on journalistic responsibility! Learn the truth about whether epilepsy is contagious! And scratch your head in bafflement at what passed for an attractive man back in the '80s!

Also: a friend and I watched "It's Late" at the weekend, and we tried out the Degrassi Drinking Game (for science). Our findings: if you do this with red wine, you will feel extremely sick. Luckily, neither of us had to give a speech to the PTA, so it was all OK in the end.

Dubious lessons of the week: Women are deceitful and manipulative. Thirteen-year-olds really care about having a balanced student council, but fortunately they also have very short attention spans.